so. with this touted child porn ring busted today i kind of wonder why every is so ashamed to talk about it. hell. what we had here was a real american dream. a slice of america as straight as apple pie, and twice as addictive... it was about money. in a culture thats now grown so bloated in its search of on demand, my way, lifestyles; is it really that alarming that porn follows us? my point is some one out there came up with the great idea of selling on demand porn via web cams with kids, and were out raged. i think what we have here is a giant step forward in our evolution. see in the days of early man, [circa 1991], porn with kids could only get found one of two ways... either you go out kick over some lunch boxes and raid a sand box, or you let someone else do it and hope they send pictures. for now, unknown users, struggling with their affliction of needing to see children being raped on camera, have found a way to stroke that relaxing rush of endorphins with delight, any time, anywhere, by credit card. why not? people do banking, order pizzas, clothes, print insurance quotes; why not get your fix of exploring your own Dora when you want it via the world wide web. i bet this flexes the american money muscle more than anything else to the rest of the world. using our ingenuity and know-how to solve problems.

but who came up with this? really. who was the guy that said... "hey. i bet i know how to make money! screw work, screw inheritence, im going to go out and make my fat millions the right way, im going to shill porno... but ive got a way around that pesky problem of picking up 8 year olds to pound... ill keep a stock on hand, then let people pay me to watch me go at it. yeah. here comes my millions, just rollin in. ill get that place up in the hamptons ive always dreamed about, ill have that mercedes ive wanted.. hell maybe the hot girl in accounting will go out with me when im totally loaded, and a mega porn millionare." the funny bone tickler here for me, is the decision to take credit cards. according to the story aired on ABC Nightly News, people assaulted kids on demand, via web cams, then charged views by credit cards. thats the way in which people were caught. Adam Smith, and his wealth of nations is hard at work pounding little Barny-ites, but forgot all about the trail of shit leading right back to him. call it the evolution of the economy. call it a short sell. but this time, its leaving a mess bigger than what fits in the diapers of the kids they are after.

im glib about it. im not denying that. but porn is what it is. is it wrong, is it sad, is it fucked up that they pull little kids in? absolutely. but porn is big business. porno is more money than you and i will ever know, and its inevitable that something like this comes along. porn is a multi billion dollar industry. ofcourse someone is out there, looking for a way to get theirs; and im not surprised someone is finding a way to sell it. this is the age of every device having a remote control. this is the age where you have to do everything on the internet. this is the age where if cant be cooked in oil, you cant sell it in a drive through window, and that aint going to work. so, im not surprised that this has passed on. but porn reflects life more truely that any of us really want to admit i think. maybe thats the problem we have with it.

i was thinking about this an awful lot this afternoon; just the idea of fetishism. how do we connect a fetish with actual instances of eroticism. as bad as it sounds; i guess kids are easy to figure out... its either a sense of controlling them, or its a return trip to innocence or child like states. i get that. but what about scat porn? how in the world does someone come around with the idea of enjoying a fresh dump in their mouth? i dont get that. plushies. people that dress up in full plush animal costumes to have sex. like a bad disney film on the Spice channel. i dont get that either. latex nuns. it makes no sense to me. but fundamentally its the same. a fetish needs some sort of desired object to propegate sexual fullfillment. and alarming number of people dig feet. some litterally dig coprses. but i just dont get it. after throwing some fetish terms around in google; i was coming up with more fetishes than ways that i knew to describe my distaste for google to find them. people seem to have all sorts of odd quirks that make them tick. i dont claim to understand any of it. and i dont claim to want to experience any of it. but the fact of the matter is porn is legit. porn pushes billions of dollars in the economy. porn is the past time of millions of people on the internet. porn detaches us from the world and sex that we have, to the world and sex that we seem to enjoy. the day we started churning out copies of Deep Throat, was the day porn made it. all of the sudden its a commodity like apples or Pampers or motor oil. we can apply market forces and watch it be manipulated in the proper market channels. that wall came tumbling down long ago. the day we harvested the power of the internet for porn, we knew it was going to explode. when pornography became free, open, and lacking an ID like a strip club; all bets were off. like it or not, kiddie porn sales are legit. its happening. just like crack, its illegal. but its being exchanged. and just like crackdealers are the bouncing baby of success for impreshionable youths in inner cities, child porn purveyors are too the epitomy of success.

how willing are we as a culture to let more fetish elements become truely legit? free will and all that aside, thats not healthy. trust me, i get that. im all for less censorship, fewer goverment intrusions. but the anything goes approach is much different than the every thing goes approach; even if it is a subtle difference. the idea that isolated things can make it as one-offs; vs. a rule of one-off's as the norm. but somewhere before we arrive to that point, we have to make this determination about whats ok. whats taboo that stays taboo. what has been wrong, and what is always going to be wrong. why is the fucking line drawn about having sex with someone at 18 years old, when biologically there isnt always a difference between them and a 17 year old? has it always been medically unsafe to rape a child- absolutely. hasnt it always been emotionally damaging- positively. but its not been eliminated. why does it become filthy and wrong to do the things to a child that adults pray that people would do to them? how come the world anal sex, seems to have lost all sense of shame, and oral isnt even considered sex anymore [thank you bill clinton]? the lines this culture draws are at best a zig zag. again, the message is "i need total control over my phone bill, roll over minutes, online billing, call blocking" but that attitude seems to have cost 26 people their freedom today. and we loathe them for it. im not sad. dont get my take wrong. im not holding up a sign asking for their release. im not saying kiddie porn should be available. im saying, the line isnt straight anymore. the man that invented flash-fry hamburgers in red wax paper is the same model that someone watched to develop a way for people to view sick obsessive taboos. why not. i dont think these concepts have changed a hell of a lot. sex sells, and people are catering to that sale. thats why there are burger joints, taco huts, and fried chicken spots. before you know it, people will be taking credit cards for dolphin sex films, and Hamburger Helper Fetish newsletters, or Gull Bladder penetration movies for sale. porn evolves as fast as the human affinity for a new attachment evolves. our culture does the same thing. this is the kind of thing that happens when that intersects. maybe even inter-sex.

so. i remember, like i could ever hope to forget, my experiences of being thrown out, cursed at, and backhanded by every business in a 3 county area, trying to sell copiers door to door. and what was the 3 things i took away to get some success with it? never bring samples, if you take more than 3 minutes its youre third strike, and ALWAYS be a master at what youre doing. today, people rang our door bell. so our story begins.

a man, in a nice jacket asks me if i could give an honest opinion on an item. hes holding a bottle of windex. i say sure. before i could look up, hes on the porch with a vacuum cleaner box, and two idiots in tow. he opens the door starts talking and walks up the stairs, and says "I want a real honest opinion from you about the Kirby Cleaning system, Jesse and Karen will give you some quick information here for me, the bottle of windex is a free gift for your opnions." and like that he was gone. left me holding the bottle of windex. which wasnt so bad. it was name brand windex. but then i realized the vacuum in the living room. and the two idiots shredding the box apart like 3 years olds on christmas day. i had bigger problems than that coming.

i forgot that my father was home. sitting in the chair, staring at a cross word puzzle. it snapped shut and i got a glare. so i sat on the couch while jesse and karen went to work. ill have to admit, they didnt know assholes from doorknobs on this thing. that much was clear instantly.

hoses, and brushes and attachments were flying around. i was getting motion sick. but that didnt stop some angry glares and stupid comments from my father. you see, as i sat down, this could be fun. obviously, these people are trying real hard to make this work. ive been there. when someone says "hey sure, what can you tell me?", it was probably the best news of the day for me. at that point, it would make the previous 30 doors that got slammed, seem like nothing, because now i had a chance. so i gave them a chance. big deal. they were going to clean the house for me for nothing... more than nothing. they GAVE me the bottle of windex after all. suckers.

immediately karen has problems. i pay attention to see that shes putting the wrong end of the hose into the machine. turns it on, without introducing herself or the product, and finds the hose wont stay on. the machine has exhaust and intake that use the same hose. shes flustered. and a side note. shes fat. and shes wearing black spandex pants. its important later. i digress. shes flustered. she figures out the wrong hose is in place, then mumbles about machines not working. then she talks to us for the first time.

"so this is... the kirby cleaner. its a vacuum.--- but it does more than vacuum" FUCKING GASP!!!! DOES IT???? sorry.

she then takes her time picking out an attachment to talk about.... the pet groomer, the plumbers best friend, the power jet, the horsehair brush, the crevice tool, the tile scrubber... then she has jesse plug it in, as she forgot to, to start showing them all off. so they take a piece of white coffee filter, slap it in the machine and vacuum a small spot, and show us all the dust and dirt from every place they take it from. 14 samples later, they decide they want to move on to the kitchen. my father speaks up and tells them, No. i said, go for it. he says NO again. so she tries to sit and make small talk. she asks where were from. {FUCKING DERRRR HOWABOUT DAVENPORT}, asked me where i went to school, i said Idaho. she magically says "i have friends from there". then she sits on the floor. a crucial down fall. shes talking intermittently while reading from the product binder, assumedly verbatim from whats printed. all the while playing with parts, telling us what does what. or so she thinks. jesse decides hes done, and he wants to start the "baking soda test." you can figure this one out, ass hat threw a box of the crap all over the carpet, and she starts stomping and grinding it in.

she gets up, puts on some floor attachment, and decides to suck it up. but shes forgotten which connection pushes it into the catch trap to show us the dirt. woooooosh. there goes powdered baking soda in a cloud on to my parents royal blue couch. dad is not happy. im trying not to laugh. but it gets harder. she appologizes. jesse looks confused. so she sits down. on the couch. wide rear end over powdery white substance. i get up to get something to drink and start laughing. my dad seem to be more pissed off now than amused. when i come back i see jesse, whom by the way has a tub of skoal hanging out of his back pocket, stand up with the fixed vacuum and start to clean the mess. i sit down, and so stands up karen. with a nice big white powdered ass. but oh. wait. theres more! when she moves i notice a problem. there are two nice stripes down her but... sigh. panty lines. like chalked body outlines. and even i cant find this remotely sexual. but i find it unabashedly hillarious. two wide black stripes in the midst of a square acre of white. kind of like the opposite of a hostes cupcake.

im dying laughing. but i cant say anything, except i want to see the next attachment. she says they need mattress samples. my dad gets very irate and says, "youre a guest in my house, but i will not let you into my bedroom to test it, you can go to the next step in youre little demo." she says its important so that they can qualify it as a demo. he goes on with some i thought was a tad more profane than should be said. and like they they are on the phone calling for a pickup. feverishly they are trying to repack the box of 4004 attachments, all while she bends over and puts that 8 miles of powdered white ass in my face. absolutely priceless. obviously theyve been tossed out before, and take it well. but i was pretty mad about it.

first of all it was entertaining as all hell. second, im about as insulated from buying the thing as anyone could be [the price was 1100 dollars, i have about zero to my name], and third i felt bad in a way. i remember getting cussed at, thrown out and jacked around. obviously they hadnt gotten many opportunities to practice the sale or theyd be better, and i was all for letting them practice. so before we knew it, with a cloud of dust they were outside, waiting on the curb for a guy in a red childmolester van with florida plates, to pick them up. and so ended my tale of hillarity for the day. so funny. yet so pathetic.