well if anyone really cares about whats happened to me lately... ive been listening to alot of Diamond Head... and Black Sabbath's Never Say Die album... because they are the only cassettes i can find that i own, and BigRed doesnt have a cd player... for anything else...

. the job has taken up most of my time and energy. i still havent sold anything. i dont really even see any great opportunities to make any money yet. and not that im keeping track, but ive already burnt about 150 bucks in gas driving without seeing a pay check. or a sale. its rough. theyve sent me out doing door to door thinking i can gather information that way. its succeeded in making alot of people really, really mad. so. no sales. yet. im expected to be working before 8am. and should never leave before 5. lately its been about 6. and ive been getting there about 7:30. no overtime pay since im salary. sigh.

. i do love the jeep. except the gas mileage. its hard... i guess i was spoiled with my grand am, getting abotu 30 miles per gallon. now im getting about 20 to 22 on the highway... but a nightmareish 5 to 10 in town sometimes. eesh. and i really was upset when i realized i got 300 miles per tank of gas. not bad, right? well... i was used to 400 on my grand am. no biggie? well... the grand am took 12 gallons to fill. Big Red is about 20. .... sigh. come the first dumping of snow fall this year however, i will feel elated about my purchase. i hope. sigh.

. im surprisingly well adjusted to getting back up in the mornings. i thought it could have been difficult, when for a while, i was not making it up before 11 and noon on some days... coffee helps. but alot of the times, im doing mundane things like email, phone calls, and getting more coffee... with a couple days per week im driving on the road to territory. so. atleast i get to hear Lou and Scott on KRNA again. a plus in my book. even at the minus of being out in bfe in the mornings. sigh.

. i really havent seen anyone lately. i just end up doing the work thing, then coming home, doing more work off the clock, then falling asleep. its a rediculous amount of learing to make it in the first few months... ive got to become almost expert status on the differences of 50 different copiers in days, so that i can deal with customers. then i spen anytime i can relearning sales. most of what ive learned is useless to me in this type of sales. its really fatigued me more than i anticipated. sigh. and yawn.

. i think im afraid of being a left over. if that makes some sense... just a left over all over type person. im not setting records with my sales like everyone else is ... im the only person i know of in the "toner-breath" wing [as IT Sales refers to us] that is under 30... only one other person is under 40... and im the only person in IT and Document to be single, with no kids, under 40... if i try to fudge the numbers, one person in a support person figures in at 30, no kids, no marriage, but engaged... but it adds two other people to us that are over 50 with multiple kids, and multiple marriages... but there is a difference between a late bloomer, and a left over. left overs are like the things you find at the back of the refrigerator and push farther back to find something else. sigh.

. as far as my life, its lonely. i cant lie. i get up. i see my mom go out the door. then i have about 40 minutes to be at work... where i sit in a cube by myself. or drive out on the road by myself and walk around all day alone. come home. usually after everyone ate dinner. reheat cold food, eat by myself. sit on my bed and read shit about copiers until i get so tired i fall asleep that way. its been my life the past couple weeks. i cant remember when i had a phone call, except one night last week with J. my intereactions with people consist of them screaming profanity at me, or hanging up on me mid sentence; or co-workers berating me from across the room, attempting to do it discretely. i wish things were different. i wish i had someone to come home to. i wish i had someone i could talk to when i have rotten days. or brag about good things with. instead... i hope i luck out that i can catch some Cash on the radio or something to sing to on the drive out. sigh.