Monday, October 31, 2005





welcome to my new cell. ill spend approximately 9 hours or more per day, looking at these three walls. and if that wasnt bad enough, there is a window into the cube next to me, that keeps the Screws informed of my doings. nothing like jailhouse snitchery on the first day. anyone else who would like to send me cube paintings or wall art, im happy to post it. right now i have a telephone directory from 2001, and the addresses of the various offices around the area. i have a phone on my desk, though i really dont know what the number is, and worse yet, i found out i dont know how to use it either. oh! i had a spare pc power cable wadded up in the corner! and i got someone's printed at home business card gathering dust. the coffee mug and car keys were furnished by me... as were the random office supplies. grr. more info later. day one is done.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

in a few hours, ill be on the job. and its starting to make me nervous. little things like, am i dressed right? can i bring coffee in? where the hell do i actually sit? what am i supposed to do when i walk in the door? when do i get to eat lunch? what the hell am i going to do all day? how am i going to remember anything? sigh. the typical pre-first day jitters.

its alot. its a big change for me. i have to keep telling myself its no longer a job, its now a career. im the youngest by far at what ill do. and according to the vice president at the interview; "were going to take a chance on you." that started to sink in over the weekend. i dont know why. on some level i wonder why im there, i dont really need them to come out and say they wonder too. i dont know. im just hoping i fall asleep tonight, rather than rolling around wondering about everything. i guess in times like these i try to look for comfort things. this time around, there isnt much. the last few jobs ive known someone that work there. not this time. the last few times i knew what to expect. i dont really know this time. the last job had very little to do with me pushing product, and everything with people going to a name... this time, people know the name but they have to come screaming to me to want it. its a stark, white change. so. im bumbling around matching ties to pants and feeling gernearlly manic about something that wont happen until tomorrow. but i am kind of getting nervous about it.