i shouldnt be posting this... even if she doesnt read this. but a certain female friend of mine is running into man problems right now, but... what she said just rang really well with me...

"Im so in love that it scares me... hes honestly one of the best things thats ever happened to me"

you know, i have never, ever, in my life hear a woman use those words about me. and no matter how bad a situation might be... woah. that sentiment would mean alot more to me than whatever mistakes she might make. yes, i would not let her off the hook for murder, or fucking around behind my back; but. geez. thats a really, really complementing set of syllables to put up there. if i ever heard those words about myself from someone else, i dont know how i could do anything against that person. that to me is someone that wants a deep committment, but is just struggling with making that work in an environment that doesnt encourage it. my advice. you stick it out kid. if you feel that way about someone, you never stop for something petty. you never let them go for something they might say. you cant just walk out. ive spent my life going for sure things. thats easy money. being scott's lovelife says, there aint easy money. so you dont get alot of quick grabs. you dont get someone that says something like that. so ive always scrapped for what i felt to be what i wanted. even today. im not too naieve to admit that, i am not any closer to a relationship to someone than i was 5 years ago. but i try. i will be annoying. i will hound them to death. i will go out of my way to kill a girl with kindness. ill pay for dinenrs, for movies, for flowers, and not stop to think. because i want them to know what i think. and. if they reject that. then i dont want them to take the easy money and kick scott to the curb. i want them to have to kick the most thoughtful, ever present, and gracious man theyve ever met; kick him to the curb. if you want me gone, you have to see and consider everything about me, and tell the best of me to go to hell. and thats been done. its been done several times. but i havent stopped. ive wanted to. ive abandoned the practice all together of looking. but when i find someone i think is worth that much to me, i still suit up and go with the A-game. even last week i was thinking to myself, "am i wasting my time with all this? is she ever going to stop and say, i really appreciate you?" the answer could be no. could be yes. but finding a girl that would say words to me, like "im so in love with you it scares me" , thats the kind of girl you look for. this guy, who really doesnt know me, and has no clue what she said, should really be lucky. not that he didnt hear it. but because she said it. and sometimes we dont always get to hear the things that are important. but it doesnt mean someone isnt saying it. thats something to feel right about. we feel wrong in an argument or an act of stupidity, but we never feel right about the things that we should feel right about. even for a person like me, who once was described as "a rough exterior with a nastier interior", sees the simplicity and the justice of stating those feelings when you have them. i know of a couple someone's that could testify that i say things like that. but saying things and doing things are different. thats where shes at. right now, id say, this guy couldnt do much wrong, and she shouldnt let herself think about doing anything wrong. just stop and thing about everything thats right about that situation as it is right now. stop and tell him what you told me. because deep down, not only is it a great thing to feel that way about someone, but its even better to hear that from someone else. and sometimes you just have to go with that.

well good news!

ive told a couple people, but today made it official; i now have a job!

RK Dixon has hired me; ill be a sales rep for the document services equipment division... really its software, copiers, duplicators and such, but its a start. ive been given a territory... which ill have to admit, is pretty cool. the only thing im not overly happy about is the pay... lets say its about what you earn working part time; but the position is heavy on comission sales. according to the team there, making money isnt going to be a problem if i do what they teach me. so. its not alot different than what i did for staples... just its gigantic sized upgrade in terms of price and productivity... some of the equipment i sell has listed prices of nearly a million bucks. nifty? yes. pressure? oh yeah. plus there is alot that sells for less than that. and i make a kick off of all of it. so. well see what happens. im excited. its a job. its a future for a while. its with a company that has a great reputation. so ill see what i can do. as a related note; expect a phone number change... the territory i have really doesnt get along well with cingular coverage, and my contract is up anyhow. plus i can bump up to a phone thats slick. i say maybe on the number change, because it appears att/cingular tend to be quite the bitches about porting numbers about. so well see what happens. and a car upgrade. ill put it this way.... if im lucky, ill only put 2000 miles on my car a month!


on some other notes

looks like no rain yet. i cant remember a forecast like this in october. where we havent gotten rain in months, and its not cold in october. usually... its cold, has a hard freeze early on, and i remember several years having snow flakes come down on halloween. this year... were calling for nearly 80 degrees monday and tuesday. 80 flipping degrees. its just not right.

ive finally gotten Man On Fire, to watch on dvd. a certain emily has been on my behind for months to see this movie... thats a lot of hype. so i should get it watched tomorrow. finally.

i have to be at a wedding all day saturday in des moines. its a cousin, that i dont really think ever much intereacted with as a kid. i was too little, she was too old. anyways. shes on marriage number 2 this time. has a kid to prove it. should be somewhat interesting i guess. i dont want to go. its relatives we dont do much with, and we just went to her brothers wedding in mid september... so were seeing them a bit more than we generally do in 10 years in 2 months. i do believe its at a catholic church too. which i found odd. they never went to church as kids, and i didnt think catholics much liked divorces in their church.

i hope to be in iowa city sunday or monday. plans can changes, but for anyone reading this that wants to schedule and appearance, let me know, id like to make a trip of it. certain people wont need to ask!

well boston's season ended a couple days ago. and i just saw the yankees lose to the angels... so. all in all, its not a total wash! regardless. the team has alot of problems to solve for next year. free agents. zero pitching. an empty bench. injuries like you wouldnt believe.

free agents.

johnny damon - keep him, if we can afford him. he flirted with .350 most of the season, and brought in 75 runs from the leadoff spot. hes on base. he can steal bases [only caught once in nearly 20 times]. hes a steady guy, who is going to give guidance to the new crop of players that are going to have to emerge in the next few seasons. rumor is he wants 10 million plus, for five years. try and split him for 3, and use that cash to by a replacement for damon's injury times, and to replace gabe kapler who is questionable now. offer him incentives to play in 155 games or better, to have an onbase percentage of .400 or make his K to BB ration be about 2 to 3 or better.

kevin millar - boot him. a great guy. fantastic clubhouse guy. but nothing comes on the field with him the past year and a half. his power is gone. he slugs 40 points better than his on base: pathetic. in 130 games, he cant hit double digit dingers in the lower lineup, where they are going to pitch to him. hes slow. in 3 years hes stolen 4 bags. TOTAL. hes above average with the glove, but just cant hit at night or on the road.

john olerud - keep him, but cheap. hes a back up. nothing more than that. he plays no more than pinch hits and once every 3 or 4 days. hes too old. no power. no speed. no threat for anything against most teams than a base nock. keep him cheap for a year, offer incentives for a second year based on stats.

mike timlin - this is hard. keep him for now. alot like damon. no more than 2 years, mid priced at best. he cant handle it with runners on, alot of his power is gone, and he showed problems with control all year. keep him cheap, he isnt much, but this bullpen doesnt have shit for right now. get him to give up less than a hit an inning, and almost one k per inning, and hes back on track. right now hes over worked at 81 appearances, and it shows when he only converts 13 of 20 save op's.

tony graffanino - keep! how cant you? great young player. ok speed. good defense. hell get better at hitting for average. hell come cheap. pay him it, and dangle incentives for performance in base running and fielding. his onbase was 75 points better than his average! only because he wont walk. get him to take base on balls, and let him run on the paths. hes smart, hes not getting caught much. so lock him up for 4 years.

bill mueller - keep. pay him about what he asks. 2 years. get youklis up and going, so that you can transition him around. when the time comes, we could get a descent arm, or a couple of young talent for him in a trade. for now, hes doing the job. he hits for average pretty well, good on base; but his best power year of 19 dingers and 80 rbis was years ago. solid glove.

zero pitching.

this has to change. the rotation of wakefield, clement, schilling, wells, arroyo; needs something. wake is fantastic. clement needs a rebound. fast. he was amazing pre break, but after wards hes lost alot of control. if by the allstar break this year, he isnt looking solid [regardless of w/l and era], shop him. schil... ive loved curt since his days in philly... long before anyone cared about bloody socks, or diamond backs. but pal. youre getting real old, real fast. schil has to be solid. not dominant. but reliable. if hes going to throw up 4 runs a start, thats fine. if he can only go 6 innings. im ok. but we have to know. right now hes so inconsistent it cant happen with him there. i know he was hurt. but. its not working. boomer? boomer is a question mark. hes older than schil, and he comes and goes. hes still got good stuff. hes got the nerve. but i dont think hes got it for every 5th day anymore. id love to pull him back into a spot starter on key games, and keep him as long relief for the empty pen. bron. buddy. you are dynamite. but keep it in the yard. keep him in the 5 hole, but be prepared to shuffle him out. so that leaves us with question marks on 2, 3, 5. and a slot at 4. we need to shop some reliable starting pitchers this winter! two words... AJ BURNETT. get this guy! a solid inning eater, and someone with electric stuff. mark mulder is on the list. a lefty would be nice, so a mark redmond is good. then we need to snag a spot starter. someone from triple A is fine. or a solid buy like julian tavarez. but the pen. the bullpen is empty. we need a closer. foulke doesnt have it. ive never liked him. buy up billy wagner. lock him for his 3 years. hes worth it. pray timlin, should he stay, can play setup again. restock the pen with 2 righties. one for middle innings, so what if he gives up bombs... as long as he can eat innings. one righty for spots for tough oughts [ie Sheffield, Vlad. Guerrero, type batters]; he needs quick stuff, nasty breaking ball. a former closer would be good. next. pickup a strong left arm. hard breaking ball, good change up. mid speed heat. hes going to need spot work for other tough outs. last get another right hander to take a chance on. someone young. we need the youth. thats a minimum for the pen. anything else would be fantastic.

the empty bench syndrome.

right now, we have zero defensive depth. we have light hitting. and we have the slowest crew of assholes ive ever seen. we need speed. get a young guy, outfielder or middle infield, light hitter, descent arm, descent glove, but can run. flat out haul ass. we can teach him to steal, but we need speed for the slow bats like manny, papi, olerud, varitek, etc, in the late innings. next. we need a first baseman who can play back up. i dont care if hes had 2 knee replacements. he needs a glove. good solid glove. if he can hit for occasional power, hes the man. we need one outfielder to plan on playing every 2nd day or 3rd all game. damon will get hurt. manny will slump at some point, and trot is going to get tired out there. we need someone who has ok range, a good arm, who can hit better than average, who is a smart base runner.. not fast. but smart. pick up someone elses trash for this. a guy like tim salmon, eli marreno, mondesi, brian jordan.. someone like that. we need a middle infielder. renteria isnt getting done all the time with the glove. so back as before, we need a glove, solid defense. good range. who cares if he cant hit? he aint playing to knock them in! rey sanchez is my pick. royce clayton is a bit much, but hed be ok. we need another catcher. doug mirabelli is on his way out. snatch up jason larue. hell come cheap for multi years. give us a good solid right handed bat to rest 'Tek with. dude hits .320 in the daylight, hes perfect for the day-after-night games. his on base is 100 points over his average, and his sluggin is 100 better than that. hes a layered player. then a miscellaneous power bat. who? dunno. burnitz, tino martinez, someone like that. someone who knows the game. that can just come in and get shit done. who is a power threat still, even if he doesnt keep power numbers.

injuries galore!

first. gabe kapler. this one hurt. the ruptured achillies in the final days of the season... we need him back. hes a great younger guy. good speed. good bat. he has to bounce back for us to contend. schilling. if he cant come back from this ankle shit on a fresh year, hes on the block by july 1. no ifs, or buts. we cant keep his salary or his liability with his age. damon. if we get him back, hes got to stay healthy. otherwise, hes going to cost us alot in replacement players and time on the dl. we need a rally guy who can get on base, and just play hard nails ball. like lenny dykstra. foulke. either youre a superstar, or youre going superfar away. make or break on your ass. make it, means you keep a set up job. breaks means we option you. providing we can pick up wagner, or someone of his caliber.

final thoughts....

so. what im expecting is about a 50 million dollar upkeep cost. if you dont, its going to be another 90 years to world championship. the nucleus of this team has been strong starting pitchers and tremendous middle offense. patch up the leaks in the rotation with a couple of reliable arms like burnett, redmond... hell even glendon rusch if the cubs drop him. but the goal has to be buy base runners for ortiz and manny to bring in. plain and simple. second. buy some defense. we dont need anything else. next season though... watch for a fire sale from a few teams to grab talent. the cubs. the rangers. the diamond backs. the dodgers. the giants. if these teams cant be half way competetive by the break, they have some talent and some dollars to drop. we could pick up some great deals on people like aramis ramierez, ray durham, glaus, jeff kent, jason schmidt, pedro feliz, shawn greene, ricky leede... lots of guys i bet, are going to go next year at clubs that cant make it. most of them mortgaged 2006 on this years supposed play off chances... if they stink early on, the air is going to smell sweet with deals for us. regardless. we need to spend some cash over the winter. why? because the yankees WILL. i guarantee it. they are going to move some of the old talent they have, and buy up anyone young with the stuff. look at randy johnson, jeter, sheffield... money is no object if you put up numbers and that club will pay a premium for a ring. problem is. there will not be a play off next year. if new york is going to tie, its not going to be for 2nd... they will do whatever it takes to be #1 next year. the devil rays cant get any worse, baltimore will slide, but the blue jays will stay mid card or higher. thats a problem. without a signifficant talent upgrade, were going to be fighting for the mid card with the blue jays to take #2 in the division. looking ahead, cleveland has what it takes, chicago is a threat, and oakland and texas are bubbles, but all for the wild card. its not going to be another eastern divison team next year. so. pony up now. pay burnett whatever it takes. pay extra for wagner. invest in young speed, mid aged middle relief, and a solid first baseman, then just buy to cover holes. with some luck, we can get lucky next year.