Current Musical Selection: Soundgarden - Fell On Black Days
ive been playing lots of Chris Cornell lately... soundgarden, the solo cd, plus audio slave... after flipping through mtv this weekend i saw a special on the greatest voices in the music industry, chris ended up like 15th or something stupidly low... below Ja Rule and Eminem, its a travesty. really. Mr. Rule and Mr. M have no talent when it comes to vocal ability; all they have is the ability to rhyme words with speed and efficiency. sure cornell's lyrics may not make much sense or mean a whole lot; but his voice is memorable, more so than just being the guy that sang Black Hole Sun. Fell on Black Days is a better song to hear him on, The Day I Tried To Live is also a good choice.
---
anyway, im not thrilled with work. only a month left, as everyone keeps reminding me. the hours just arent there really. sure i work like a dog; but only 3 days of the week. we might do a 12 hour shift, and the next day im out in 4 hours. its really pointless. the people are asses. horses asses. either they are totaly incompetent or they are so situated in what they do, they arent worth it. i was told how one guy has 25 years experience about 30494 times today. like i give a shit. hes still folding papers and jamming up machines like the rest of us that have been there 3 weeks. doesnt stop him from getting a lecture in at me either. fuck off man. its paper. its loading a machine with paper. its watching the paper move away. it aint open heart surgery, and its not putting men on the moon. who cares how good you think you are at it; just stop bitching about being here 25 years... because all the rest of us hear is someone who should have found another job; or a ball-gag.
this place must be loosing its shirt on our division. we pay 9 people to work during the shift sometimes, 4 are doing the work. 2 are off somewhere else, 3 are sitting around talking. always the same 3. no one seems to care or do much. doesnt make any sense why everyone else busts hump to get work done and they sit. if theyd throw in, wed be done in half the time. forget it. they wouldnt help. then they are the first ones to go home. the rest of us stay there 11 hours. one guy was right; its damn hard to get fired from that place. even ))))) and this will come out wrong (((((( the handicapped cant get fired from there. in a job that requires you to be alert and attentive [not intelligent or able], this woman/girl? is the worst of them all. shes been there atleast a year... so that means with performance increases, shes topping out over 9 bucks an hour... she jams the machines, walks away sits on the ground and crys. doesnt pay attention to directions, gets in the way. and has a cabbage patch doll she brings with everyday. fuck that. ive got to be doing something wrong. i shouldnt pay attention, show up on time after breaks or stay at my machine; because all these other people can get away without doing it.
what else... has to be something positive. law school stuff is comming in now. thats scary. prospectively in a year's time ill be throwing away 25 grand a year, and 18 hours a day to more school. but atleast then ill never have to take orders from ass clowns for 7 bucks an hour, ever again. law school kind of scares me. it means ill have to leave. u of iowa wont take me. they were rejecting gpas less than 3.64 last year, and this year is supposed to be even more competitive. so the only other place in the state is Drake. id go there, i guess. its not top on the list. so then im looking outside the state, and that is going to be a big change for me. one of the front runners now is looking like University of Akron in Ohio. ohio isnt so far away. closer still is John Marshall in Chicago. id like to go there. but for a few private reasons, im not sure if moving to chicago would be my best choice, things need to pan out first. although thats a terrible way of looking at it. it is MY future that im investing in, and i should look at my options based on others futures. but its in the back of my mind. drake is still an option tho. i love one program they have in legislative law. i could see myself ending up doing something like that. not sure i could afford Drake though. wait and see i suppose.
and like that its fucking july allready. this year is moving by pretty fast. last i knew it was still february and snow was on the ground. seansons change so fast anymore i dont really notice them. sad really. never have much of a chance to look around, its always whats going on infront of me that has to hold my attention, never a chance to put everything else in my sights for once. but this year is moving fast. before i know it, its going to be snowing again i guess. lots of things to come before that happens i hope, but its comming. just as sure as its hot and muggy out, the snow is really only days away in iowa. things are like that. its all relative when time moves so fast. so fast.
x
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
Monday, June 30, 2003
Current Musical Selection: [with much embarrasment] Bon Jovi - Blaze of Glory
two things to mention... one shallow... one deep.
shallow.
i learned a new word today. thanks to Playboy Magazine. this word is something that should never be mentioned in anyones vocabulary. it is; "jelqing" or to "jelq"; and it scares me. the context didnt give much meaning what it was, aside from something done to ones penis in order to gain length. i hit the net. then i hit the floor. it involves, as one site puts it "the milking of one's penis" [i thought thats relatively close to what masturbating did?!?!], and has appearantly been performed by African tribes for hundreds of years. so what we must embrace as a diverse method of holistic medicine, we can then mechanize and make money from... thus the jelq-usa.com jelqing maching. or the PJ [personal jelqer] as they call it. honestly, it looks like two rolling pins and a handle. you can guess how it works. real similar to rolling dough for bread, if you ask me. i declined to look at the explanation or testimonial picutres. i was too horified. they state on the website something to the effect of its magical enhancements and ability to stretch ligaments and things hidden in that area. judging by the rolling pin machine, it looks more like you are smashing and breaking down connective tissue and capilaries; reducing the organ to a litteral hefty bag for catching blood during erections. which honestly makes sense, Africa is the world leader in genital mutilation practicies, why should their women have all the 'fun'? so jelqing ladies and jents... dont use the word, since you now know what it entails. but if someone mentions it, buy them flour or confectioner's sugar, or atleast wax paper... so they dont get any dough stuck on the rollers.
on to deeper thoughts.
its funny how you sit and think about people. how you can just materialize a person in your mind and relive thoughts and things that happened along time ago. makes you think they could almost be sititng in the same room with you again, just by someone mentioning their name. and vice versa. its also interesting to me how quickly your mind can start moving when a person is sitting next to you. both happened tonight.
i gave a girl a ride home tonight, and i couldnt remember the last time id really thought about her. makes for funny conversation. im sure i sounded dumber than i usualy do, but i just kept spouting what came to mind. i remember the first time i met her, the first time i heard about her [she was a friend of my friend's friend... got it? 3 degrees away], stupid things that she and i could laugh about. never got into much detail about any of it. it was a short car ride, but it was odd how fast my mind could keep coming up with these things. and its not like this is the first time ive seen her in a while, hell its 3 to 4 times per week; but its just things that trigger your mind, and make that entire process move, that facinate me. kinda funny to mention too that she shares a name with someone else i tend to think about/write about. the first week that the Erin L. was in my life i kept thinking about Erin S. im sure you can see the confusion allready. anyway, it lasted for a couple weeks that way. i hear people talk about erin, i connected it with the right one, but often drifted to think about the other one. they are two totally different people. sure, theres similarities, but its funny nonetheless how the mind makes that skip. and now when i mention a name like erin, im directly speaking about the one i gave a ride home to, and i find myself thinking about the other one. im sure ive got a wire crossed somewhere.
so the other half of the coin, is thinking about people that arent there. on my way home late tonight, i got a phone call from friends wanting me to remember someones name i worked with several years ago. haha. my brain is kinda on shut down for the summer, but i tried. anyway, they mention a name, Jennifer, that stopped me cold in my tracks. they did in fact mean the one i was thinking of. it was an honest mistake, they thought it was the person that it wasnt; but that slip started the gears rolling. then im trying to fill conversation and think, but i cant; because im thinking about her. --- my brother and i joke about a Hardees comercial on tv where a guy recalls a hamburger he ate... his line was... "man, i havent thought about that burger in a long time" and the obvious conclusions is what low-life thinks about the hamburgers theyve eaten.---- so im grinding away in my brain about this girl. the girl who singlehandedly did so much damage to me, without trying, and sometimes with trying; and i just hit with everything. i cant lie and say i never think about her. theres times that i do. but its something that reminds me of what shed have said at one point in time, or of a way a girl would dress that reminds me of her. tonight was different. it hurt. after i hung up the phone i had to pull over and stop the car. i was just remembering too much too fast about her, about us and about me. i wanted it to stop in the worst way. it wasnt at all controlled or dignified.... it was something like throwing out filing cabinets of paper on to a city street from 9 floors up. everything lead to something else and it just kept comming. i have alot of memories from about 2 years of my life. i guess i can say that favorably about her; she did leave an impression on me... a very lasting one. but it started to hurt. its an emotional pain. imagine living through a combat zone, being wounded and having to drag yourself out. you are alive. it hurts. but you made it out. it was slow, painful, but you are out. tonight was like making that trip at 100% faster speed. being ripped open and drug out over the rocks with a ferocity and intensity that numbed me to the very core. thinking thoughts about the person that was thoughtless in her actions to me. it happend so fast i didnt see where i pulled off at. turns out i was in the parking lot of St Ambrose. yards from her old dorm room. years from old wounds. it was so surreal that i could almost imagine her sitting next to me. i could re-hear the argument over the radiostation we had. but it was durring the daytime. i could almost see her sitting there. but shes thousands of miles away. i could remember reaching down and turning off the radio to please her. but it was in a different car. and i can feel her touch on my arm again, when she said she prefers the silence better to me and my music.
the mind is a very powerful thing. im truely in awe of its potentcey even after years of being dormant... wouldnt you be? im too tired; too empty to ramble on. other things happened this weekend as well. be paitent.
two things to mention... one shallow... one deep.
shallow.
i learned a new word today. thanks to Playboy Magazine. this word is something that should never be mentioned in anyones vocabulary. it is; "jelqing" or to "jelq"; and it scares me. the context didnt give much meaning what it was, aside from something done to ones penis in order to gain length. i hit the net. then i hit the floor. it involves, as one site puts it "the milking of one's penis" [i thought thats relatively close to what masturbating did?!?!], and has appearantly been performed by African tribes for hundreds of years. so what we must embrace as a diverse method of holistic medicine, we can then mechanize and make money from... thus the jelq-usa.com jelqing maching. or the PJ [personal jelqer] as they call it. honestly, it looks like two rolling pins and a handle. you can guess how it works. real similar to rolling dough for bread, if you ask me. i declined to look at the explanation or testimonial picutres. i was too horified. they state on the website something to the effect of its magical enhancements and ability to stretch ligaments and things hidden in that area. judging by the rolling pin machine, it looks more like you are smashing and breaking down connective tissue and capilaries; reducing the organ to a litteral hefty bag for catching blood during erections. which honestly makes sense, Africa is the world leader in genital mutilation practicies, why should their women have all the 'fun'? so jelqing ladies and jents... dont use the word, since you now know what it entails. but if someone mentions it, buy them flour or confectioner's sugar, or atleast wax paper... so they dont get any dough stuck on the rollers.
on to deeper thoughts.
its funny how you sit and think about people. how you can just materialize a person in your mind and relive thoughts and things that happened along time ago. makes you think they could almost be sititng in the same room with you again, just by someone mentioning their name. and vice versa. its also interesting to me how quickly your mind can start moving when a person is sitting next to you. both happened tonight.
i gave a girl a ride home tonight, and i couldnt remember the last time id really thought about her. makes for funny conversation. im sure i sounded dumber than i usualy do, but i just kept spouting what came to mind. i remember the first time i met her, the first time i heard about her [she was a friend of my friend's friend... got it? 3 degrees away], stupid things that she and i could laugh about. never got into much detail about any of it. it was a short car ride, but it was odd how fast my mind could keep coming up with these things. and its not like this is the first time ive seen her in a while, hell its 3 to 4 times per week; but its just things that trigger your mind, and make that entire process move, that facinate me. kinda funny to mention too that she shares a name with someone else i tend to think about/write about. the first week that the Erin L. was in my life i kept thinking about Erin S. im sure you can see the confusion allready. anyway, it lasted for a couple weeks that way. i hear people talk about erin, i connected it with the right one, but often drifted to think about the other one. they are two totally different people. sure, theres similarities, but its funny nonetheless how the mind makes that skip. and now when i mention a name like erin, im directly speaking about the one i gave a ride home to, and i find myself thinking about the other one. im sure ive got a wire crossed somewhere.
so the other half of the coin, is thinking about people that arent there. on my way home late tonight, i got a phone call from friends wanting me to remember someones name i worked with several years ago. haha. my brain is kinda on shut down for the summer, but i tried. anyway, they mention a name, Jennifer, that stopped me cold in my tracks. they did in fact mean the one i was thinking of. it was an honest mistake, they thought it was the person that it wasnt; but that slip started the gears rolling. then im trying to fill conversation and think, but i cant; because im thinking about her. --- my brother and i joke about a Hardees comercial on tv where a guy recalls a hamburger he ate... his line was... "man, i havent thought about that burger in a long time" and the obvious conclusions is what low-life thinks about the hamburgers theyve eaten.---- so im grinding away in my brain about this girl. the girl who singlehandedly did so much damage to me, without trying, and sometimes with trying; and i just hit with everything. i cant lie and say i never think about her. theres times that i do. but its something that reminds me of what shed have said at one point in time, or of a way a girl would dress that reminds me of her. tonight was different. it hurt. after i hung up the phone i had to pull over and stop the car. i was just remembering too much too fast about her, about us and about me. i wanted it to stop in the worst way. it wasnt at all controlled or dignified.... it was something like throwing out filing cabinets of paper on to a city street from 9 floors up. everything lead to something else and it just kept comming. i have alot of memories from about 2 years of my life. i guess i can say that favorably about her; she did leave an impression on me... a very lasting one. but it started to hurt. its an emotional pain. imagine living through a combat zone, being wounded and having to drag yourself out. you are alive. it hurts. but you made it out. it was slow, painful, but you are out. tonight was like making that trip at 100% faster speed. being ripped open and drug out over the rocks with a ferocity and intensity that numbed me to the very core. thinking thoughts about the person that was thoughtless in her actions to me. it happend so fast i didnt see where i pulled off at. turns out i was in the parking lot of St Ambrose. yards from her old dorm room. years from old wounds. it was so surreal that i could almost imagine her sitting next to me. i could re-hear the argument over the radiostation we had. but it was durring the daytime. i could almost see her sitting there. but shes thousands of miles away. i could remember reaching down and turning off the radio to please her. but it was in a different car. and i can feel her touch on my arm again, when she said she prefers the silence better to me and my music.
the mind is a very powerful thing. im truely in awe of its potentcey even after years of being dormant... wouldnt you be? im too tired; too empty to ramble on. other things happened this weekend as well. be paitent.
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