Current Musical Selection: No Doubt - Dont Speak
short entry tonight. seems of late, all hell must break loose. from 3 hour executive meetings, to just plain rediculous amounts of homework and class assignments, to the more everpresent interpersonal turmoil of people around me; nothing it seems will stay remotely sane for 10 minutes anymore. really the only good things to speak of include my selection to lecture at Drake University on saturday to the res hall student body; and that i received my absentee ballot in the mail. and yes, i did actually vote democrat on a choice or two... i do remember marking Joe Seng, who actually served quite well as my neighboring district alderman; for whatever he was running for. sorry party! the big questions tho; i went for gross and ganske. ganske/harkin was a somewhat difficult choice; although i do have alot of respect for harkin and what hes done, and he does fight for iowa interests [what ever those might be]; just that i think its time to change up some of the political make up in the land. for the same reason i voted nussle over hutchinson; anne hutchinson annoys me; she'd have been better off to stay in her secure mayor slot in bettendorf for a 4th term or whatever it would be.
other random thoughts. || homework is killing me. a group presentation, midterm, vocab quiz, plus 2 chapters worth of homework and workbook all due this week in latin; a 2 day massive presentation on minority subject matter for dir democ class; quiz and papers due in stats; paper topic and quiz in bible history; and massive amounts of reading in law to cover this week... really none of it seems fair; each class is also assigning a paper in addition to all of this crap, that will be due within a week of each other; doesnt leave much time for me to do much. well see how i hold up closer to finals week. || working on this arh valentines day project is giving me flashbacks to vdays of the past. i guess its pretty selfish of me to not want to proceed with the project just because i dont like valentines day [and yes i do realize its not even halloween yet]. i was hoping this year wouldnt be much different, and id be able to stay in bed all day, skip classes, and just forget that day every occured. but as its shaping up, that doesnt look like it will be much of a reality. ill probably be stuck in the middle of all these kids and their 'love' for others... infact, ill be the one dolling out said 'love' in the forms of cookies... such irony in it all. the one person who has had the absolute worst track record of v'days; becomes responsible for ensuring everyone has a spectacular vday this year. i hate the idea. no one else really seems to notice. and i guess if i was a girl or sentimental, or was in a different situation, yeah i might appreciate the project; but its just really something hard to swallow when youve been through the wars like have. i suppose i could allways be chipper about it all, appearantly the way that all of you viewers have been about this; but i really dont expect to see any change for myself this year, nothing markedly different than the past few. but its funny what youll tell yourself sometimes just to think different about it all. i can remember being at home on my birthday, and staring at my candles and making that one stuipd birthday wish. not to jinx it, but it hasnt come true yet. maybe thats sad, and maybe its sad that i thought it might come true. either way, ill will be sitting in sappiness of pink and red hearts before i know it. allmost makes me wish id suggested something for halloween or a cool holliday like that instead of what i did.... || sounds like i could get to go home for part of the weekend.... ive joked alot about what home really is; but honestly im not far from the truth... i havent seen it since i moved here in early august. not that id get to spend much time there, just maybe it would be enough to partially recharge my batteries... getting to sleep in my big comfy bed, thats not 9 feet in the air! like i said in other posts, im allways a bit hesitant to go back to davenport. there really are alot of people and memories in that town still, that i just dont think i want to wade around in anymore. not that i can deny what all has happened, just its alot easier to forget it all when your not there. little things just appear when you go to the grocery store, or pull up to a car at a stop light.. you see people and things, that you just dont want to see anymore. maybe some more tomorrow... more likely friday before i leave..
ain't if fun~
s.
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
Sunday, October 06, 2002
Current Musical Selection: Rolling Stones - Under My Thumb
sorry.. not going to say a thing about the 'Stones... you should allready know how much i love the Stones. this song in particular tho... well i love this song.. it first shows up on the Aftermath lp, back in like waaaay the hell back in 66... [i own Aftermath in 4 formats now... mp3; cassette; cd; 1st reprinting vinyl!] probably overshadowed by Paint It Black, or the bouncy-ier lesser known, High and Dry; Under My Thumb has been a favorite of mine since i first heard it. it brings back memories of a girl i was trying to get with back home; [not the one i usually talk about], and how it never really worked. made me pretty mad, not that my feelings were that overly strong for her, just to get shut down. she was a great girl. smart, quirky, loads of fun to be with, cute, a good friend too... lots of similar tastes in music and things. but, as it goes, scott either fucks it up in the end; or is just categorically denied for being scott. either way, i remember driving home in my car, aimlessly really, one night after talking to her; and this song kicked on the radio; and i remember two things. 1- how much i loved this song 2-how i forgot how surreal song lyrics could be. and yeah, as it all turned out i was down for the count with her; but as the song goes, i eventually placed her under my thumb. and thats been that. tables had turned, and now its just weird if were ever around each other. one more reason and one more name for me to stay away from Davenport.
------
well today was an expensive day... possibly one of the most expensive of my life to date. granted school, cars and appliances are all much more expensive... this day was on pure luxury... i called bright and early today to get my tickets to GnR at the Mark... that was just under 200 bucks all said and done... but... im in the 15th FUCKING ROW PEOPLE!!!! three seats for that price, at that location; totally worth it. this is a once in a lifetime concert for me... i missed out on GnR about 10 years ago, and there is no way im missing it this time. none.
after that, i spent 30 bucks on the 'Stones 40 Licks cd... i could have gone for 40 bucks, and gotten the limited edition box set.. and in retrospect i should have. it came with some cool stuff... but, this purchase still makes me happy; aside from the fact i have most of these songs in one form or another. the one thing i dislike about the 'Stones records are the amounts of repeats they do... each album probably has atleast one song from another album on it... gets annoying... its prolly good marketing/sales thinking to put Gimmie Shelter on 4 different cds [and im not counting singles folks!]; but its rather redundant. besides, its not like the 'Stones have problems selling cds. each member is a multi-multi millionare several times over... enough so their familiy's prolly wont manage to squander away the inherited wealth after they finnally depart. but, i dont mind giving them my money. show me a band thats more recognized, thats sold more records, and can produced better music dollar for dollar that the gang, and ill give them my money. 'nuff said. also browsed the vinyl racks today in town... lets say i cut myself off late, but late is better than too late. couple other good buys that will go into that collection; which is slowly growing. im still looking for what eludes me; which are printings of all the GnR albums on vinyl; and i know they do exist... even the rare gem of Live Like A Suicide, and the banned AFD cover album. im not in it to collect per se, im in it for the music... im not too broken up to find the sleeve is mangled some, or stained; or even present... as long as that vinyl plays, id be happy. anyone who's looking to get me a 'scott will love you forever' gift for scott, just look for one of them. that or the massively awesome 70 dollars of goodness that the Stones complete boxed set would offer me thats out at Coralridge Mall...
nothing else much... i suppose i could make a few comments about my prior post; but honest to god i really want to move off the subject. some people i know obsess over things like that; i really dotn want to find myself in the same practice. really i think my best medicine for it all is just total innoculation. --- shoot me full of the shit, and just let me be, and hope it makes me immune to it all later on. and it is. slowly, and surely, bit by aching bit; i move through the 'relationship' ponderings and feelings with succesively less and less thought, and more speed. i move with the speed and efficiency of a well versed man; knowing it doesnt matter in the end. i see these girls, and i see what they do; and i dont get excited. these girls see me, and see what i do; and they run the other way. should one happen to find me hunting it down, or for act of god, attach themselves to me; it wont last long. eventually history will run its course, and it will cease to be. then i can just go back to being me again. id be lying if i said i didnt like the feeling i got from it all, or that i didnt enjoy having a person to appreciate and vice versa; but its not worth taking a hammer to face every time for a glimpse of it. even a sleep-deprived ape can learn not to grab the grape thats sitting on plate, wired to shock box; and it doesnt really matter how good that grape can taste, you know your ass is going to get buzzed good for it in the end. got an email from a viewer telling me i was out and out wrong to discount myself totally from the love world just because of my past falterings and hangups. if nothing else, you all are ever the optimists. i guess you all deserve credit where credit is due; unfortunately, im going to call your bluffs. i dont think anything is going to change, and i dont expect a change. i guess i expect to live my life, with me and for me, and thats about all im going to get to work with. theres enough family and friends to sprinkle in to bat the depression away; and really isnt that all i can ask for? just to give me enough to keep going. because once that stops; and once ive got what i want... i wont keep going. no one would. why charge up that next hill when this one has good cover? you charge up that hill because if you dont, Charley will. i know ill end up some day. dont know how, or where or with what. i just know ill end up at somepoint.
ain't if fun~
s.
sorry.. not going to say a thing about the 'Stones... you should allready know how much i love the Stones. this song in particular tho... well i love this song.. it first shows up on the Aftermath lp, back in like waaaay the hell back in 66... [i own Aftermath in 4 formats now... mp3; cassette; cd; 1st reprinting vinyl!] probably overshadowed by Paint It Black, or the bouncy-ier lesser known, High and Dry; Under My Thumb has been a favorite of mine since i first heard it. it brings back memories of a girl i was trying to get with back home; [not the one i usually talk about], and how it never really worked. made me pretty mad, not that my feelings were that overly strong for her, just to get shut down. she was a great girl. smart, quirky, loads of fun to be with, cute, a good friend too... lots of similar tastes in music and things. but, as it goes, scott either fucks it up in the end; or is just categorically denied for being scott. either way, i remember driving home in my car, aimlessly really, one night after talking to her; and this song kicked on the radio; and i remember two things. 1- how much i loved this song 2-how i forgot how surreal song lyrics could be. and yeah, as it all turned out i was down for the count with her; but as the song goes, i eventually placed her under my thumb. and thats been that. tables had turned, and now its just weird if were ever around each other. one more reason and one more name for me to stay away from Davenport.
------
well today was an expensive day... possibly one of the most expensive of my life to date. granted school, cars and appliances are all much more expensive... this day was on pure luxury... i called bright and early today to get my tickets to GnR at the Mark... that was just under 200 bucks all said and done... but... im in the 15th FUCKING ROW PEOPLE!!!! three seats for that price, at that location; totally worth it. this is a once in a lifetime concert for me... i missed out on GnR about 10 years ago, and there is no way im missing it this time. none.
after that, i spent 30 bucks on the 'Stones 40 Licks cd... i could have gone for 40 bucks, and gotten the limited edition box set.. and in retrospect i should have. it came with some cool stuff... but, this purchase still makes me happy; aside from the fact i have most of these songs in one form or another. the one thing i dislike about the 'Stones records are the amounts of repeats they do... each album probably has atleast one song from another album on it... gets annoying... its prolly good marketing/sales thinking to put Gimmie Shelter on 4 different cds [and im not counting singles folks!]; but its rather redundant. besides, its not like the 'Stones have problems selling cds. each member is a multi-multi millionare several times over... enough so their familiy's prolly wont manage to squander away the inherited wealth after they finnally depart. but, i dont mind giving them my money. show me a band thats more recognized, thats sold more records, and can produced better music dollar for dollar that the gang, and ill give them my money. 'nuff said. also browsed the vinyl racks today in town... lets say i cut myself off late, but late is better than too late. couple other good buys that will go into that collection; which is slowly growing. im still looking for what eludes me; which are printings of all the GnR albums on vinyl; and i know they do exist... even the rare gem of Live Like A Suicide, and the banned AFD cover album. im not in it to collect per se, im in it for the music... im not too broken up to find the sleeve is mangled some, or stained; or even present... as long as that vinyl plays, id be happy. anyone who's looking to get me a 'scott will love you forever' gift for scott, just look for one of them. that or the massively awesome 70 dollars of goodness that the Stones complete boxed set would offer me thats out at Coralridge Mall...
nothing else much... i suppose i could make a few comments about my prior post; but honest to god i really want to move off the subject. some people i know obsess over things like that; i really dotn want to find myself in the same practice. really i think my best medicine for it all is just total innoculation. --- shoot me full of the shit, and just let me be, and hope it makes me immune to it all later on. and it is. slowly, and surely, bit by aching bit; i move through the 'relationship' ponderings and feelings with succesively less and less thought, and more speed. i move with the speed and efficiency of a well versed man; knowing it doesnt matter in the end. i see these girls, and i see what they do; and i dont get excited. these girls see me, and see what i do; and they run the other way. should one happen to find me hunting it down, or for act of god, attach themselves to me; it wont last long. eventually history will run its course, and it will cease to be. then i can just go back to being me again. id be lying if i said i didnt like the feeling i got from it all, or that i didnt enjoy having a person to appreciate and vice versa; but its not worth taking a hammer to face every time for a glimpse of it. even a sleep-deprived ape can learn not to grab the grape thats sitting on plate, wired to shock box; and it doesnt really matter how good that grape can taste, you know your ass is going to get buzzed good for it in the end. got an email from a viewer telling me i was out and out wrong to discount myself totally from the love world just because of my past falterings and hangups. if nothing else, you all are ever the optimists. i guess you all deserve credit where credit is due; unfortunately, im going to call your bluffs. i dont think anything is going to change, and i dont expect a change. i guess i expect to live my life, with me and for me, and thats about all im going to get to work with. theres enough family and friends to sprinkle in to bat the depression away; and really isnt that all i can ask for? just to give me enough to keep going. because once that stops; and once ive got what i want... i wont keep going. no one would. why charge up that next hill when this one has good cover? you charge up that hill because if you dont, Charley will. i know ill end up some day. dont know how, or where or with what. i just know ill end up at somepoint.
ain't if fun~
s.
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