Tuesday, September 10, 2002

Current Musical Selection: Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak

" tonight theres gonna be a jailbreak.... somewhere in this town; see, me and the boys we dont like it so were gettin up and going down... hi and low, looking right to left... if you see us comming.. i thinks its best, to move away; do you hear what i say?. CHORUS - tonight theres gonna be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town. tonight theres gonna be a jailbreak, so dont you be around... "

no one has really ever heard of them... well unless i say their biggest song was "The Boys Are Back In Town", then no one has ever heard of them. too bad, lots of gooooodshhtuffff. why tonight? dunno.. seems like alot of stuff has been breaking loose lately, with ARH and related people, me? my classes are kicking my ass, plus i was really sick today and missed all of my classes. not much you can do, when you wake up screaming with a migrane headache, because your sinuses are sooo backed up... half blind i try to stumble out of bed before 8am; that doesnt work so well... im so dizzy that i fall off the bunk ladder.. about noon i wake up on the floor, in my boxers still, with a lump on my head... needless to say, standing up and walking was again difficult, and the headaches were still there... i struggled to the couch, and didnt wake up again until about 20 till 5pm. not good. i missed 2 classes i needed to be at; lets hope Prof David wont ream me for being gone, and i can catch up with latin that i missed. head is still sore... more mad about blacking out. it a scary thing to feel yourself falling six feet out of the air on to your head, but not feeling it, then not remember hitting the ground, or the next several hours. only comming to, on the ground in your underware.

" tonight theres gonna be trouble... some of us wont survive. see, the boys and me mean business, bustin out dead or alive... i can hear the hound-dogs on my trail, all hell breaks loose.. along with sirens wail... like a game if you loose, thats it..... CHORUS "

several viewers made IM comments about the last few posts, so i guess this blog will mainly be answering viewer mail... maybe this could quell it, in the order they were asked: no, it wasnt free verse or prose. yes it is based on my experiences. yes i have gotten a phone number to a pizza place, no it wasnt to Gumby's, yes it was to the Airliner. did that walking home alone business really happen to me alot, yeah more so that id probably like to admit.

on to other things.

another viewer asked me why i was so hostile to females at this age... making the assumption that my hostility and resentment towards them, more than likely fuels my 'singleness' more than anything else. my response; probably. really, do we want the things in life, which we hate most? id hope not. but arent we surrounded by the things in life which we hate most? yeah, arguably if we were not exposed to such things, we arent likely to have developed annimosity towards them. comparitively; yes i do want to be non-single, yes i realize that will only take place from those around me. someone else made the suggestion that maybe i bring all this on myself; that because of my job, my personality, etc; that makes me unapproachable and undesireable to females at large. thats an interesting point to make. thats now placing the blame squarely back on me; somehow that my current disposition, in accordance with every female ive ever met, or not met, now directly relies on my actions or outlook. since im in a generous mood, ill play along and conceed the possibility towards those whom i have met; but this falls apart quickly with those whom i havent met. purely, if ive never met you, how can my actions and past habits, known only by having a history with me, apply to you? even if by some means, that by making that initial contact in response to them, i could infuse all of my negativeness into their bank of knowledge; that still doesnt account for people not approaching me. see all of this knowledge would have to have been gained by contact with me. if i sit down and eat at the lunch counter and read the paper in the afternoon, as i often do, im still never approached by women. if i walk down the street with a stuipd-shit grin and fratboy shirt on; i still dont get smiles or looks from females. see what i mean?

then someone made the excellent point of: what kind of woman are you actually expecting to get, what is it you want in a potential girl? thats a good question. ill take it up next time as a blog probably. but, ive had this conversation several times with people, and with one friend in particular. she was pretty well able to tell me what she watned in a man, quality-wise, which i could gernerally match, but when it came to outward appearance and demanor, i drew a blank. ill hit this up for next blog, i promise!

lastly; someone randomly emailed me and asked if i ever planned on showing or posting my picture on this page. i can only assume the purpose would be to judge the whole 'outward appearance' issue. my answer for that, is no. why should i? see im damned if i do, and im damned if i dont. should i post the picture, and allow you to make your decision, and should you disagree with me, what then? similarly, why should i ruin it for those who would agree with me? why should i ruin it for anyone? if you do know me, then you do, youll formulate your own opinions... but for the rest of the world at large reading these; imagine me. imagine what you think a person like me would look like. hold that image in your minds eye each time you read my words... watch if it changes... watch if i come into more focus... watch if i blur away... just keep that image, and try to match it with my story, then see where it leads you.

ain't it fun~
s.